Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Chaos Reigns

So to say the last 6 weeks has been a challenging crazy time would be an understatement.  I have lacked routine and structure in my training and diet. I’ve had some niggling injuries that have inhibited my training and if I’m completely honest have lost a little bit of motivation.
The burning intensity that drove me for 14 straight weeks to achieve my weight loss goal has waned somewhat. My training has been a bit hit & miss as I try and find new purpose and goals for my training. I still have weight to lose, I still have crossfit goals to achieve, but there is nothing that has caused that intense fire to burn quite as hot as it did.
Every weekend except for 1 I have been away from home since the start of May. 3 trips to Queensland and 1 to Melbourne have made it hard to get into my regular routine. 
I feel a responsibility to keep myself on track and keep smashing out big goals. People have come to expect that from me.  I know there are people who look to me for inspiration to keep moving along their own path and if I stand still on mine then I’m not setting the best example I can.  I am not walking my talk.  There are a lot of people I give my time and energy to in supporting them as they try to become the best they can be.  I don’t claim to have any answers but if I can boost someone’s confidence or their self belief and it makes their road a little smoother then I am obviously going to do it.
Also I have embarked on a new project for myself.  It’s going to challenge a lot of my behaviours and require me to become very disciplined & structured. I’m not sure what will come of it or where it will lead. But even with everything else going on in my life I feel like now is the right time to embark on this challenge. 
I have started working with my new trainer, Tash, specifically on running. Now, at the moment I’m not talking any substantial distances. For me it’s about developing strength & confidence in my running and working towards improved speed over shorter distances. Should I ever decide to pursue a distance event then all this work will give me a solid platform.  I’ve been lucky enough to know Tash for a couple of years now through involvement in 12WBT but this is the first time we’ve worked together. I have to say that I am so glad I have taken this step as it has been one of the best things I have ever done.  I wish I had done it at the start of Round 1 but all things happen for a reason.
I have always looked up to and had immense respect for Tash and her qualities as a person and a runner. She makes it look so effortless and easy.  It took me a few weeks to work up the courage to send her an email to ask if she would consider helping me with my running.  My own lack of self confidence that I didn’t think that I was worth the effort or that my goals were realistic held me back. But I did it, and I am glad I did, her enthusiastic response immediately put me at ease. We work very well together and I feel encouraged & supported during my sessions and more so in my goals, which is a big thing.  It’s good to be in a place where I can communicate what I need and am striving for, and know that I have someone on my side to help make it a reality.
And there is still Crossfit. I haven’t been as consistently as I was in the first part of the year, but now I have no trips in the immediate future I can start to get back into that cycle of training again. I have my next games day on Saturday at Crossfit Attitude in Newcastle. It is by far my most ‘serious’ games day so far. Needless to say the nerves are kicking in already. I feel a bit underdone training wise but am hoping the 14 weeks of hard work has given me a good base to work from.  My attitude will be to get out there and just do my very best.  I don’t have any massive expectations except to give each WOD 100%.  There are a few of the Crossfit Parramatta crew heading up so it’s going to be very cool to share the day with them.  Also one of my 12WBT friends, Leander trains out of that box in Newcastle so will be awesome to compete in a games day alongside her.
So where am I at the end of all that?  I’m still here and plugging away. Still trying to find that place where I can be me and be ok with the way things have panned out this year personally.  I am still trying to find my space and find my purpose.  When you have been defined a certain way and had a focus for so long it is hard to transition to something else when it suddenly disappears. 
Whilst I have a lot going on and feel as though I am being pulled in a variety of directions, I am grateful for the support from the people closest to me. I have of late received an inordinate amount of support and some of it from people I would not have expected.  They have shared the most amazing thoughts with me on how they see me. It has at times had a massive impact of me to hear these words.
I saw the following picture on Facebook last week and it perfectly sums up where I am at.  I am grateful for those who have rekindled my spark – you know who you are and I am profoundly grateful. Thank You


  1. I love the way you write - you always touch a part of me with your posts. I support you through your journey no matter what xo