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Friday, February 17, 2012

Sometimes it’s not about what you do, it’s about that you simply do something

Yesterday was a tough day. Mentally, emotionally & physically. Gee there’s a  theme……must have been a Thursday.  Beginning to hate Thursdays.
Normally despite what I have going on in my life I can push it to one side when I hit the box.  I turn up ready to train and channel what I am feeling into whatever the WOD is on that day.  Thursdays are a hard training day as that is the day I have a 1:1 session with my coach Sam.  She always uses these sessions to push me beyond my limits.  Usually I can go with it and fight tooth and nail to get the job done.
But not this week.  I knew the day had been hard and I knew I was drained but as I walked into the box I expected that this week Sam would bring out the best in me and I would get through it.  We went through our warm up, which included 4 laps of the box pushing the prowler press.  I felt tired and heavy but went with it.
Sam outlined the workout:
2 rounds for time:
30 kettlebell swings 16kg
30 push press 20kg
30 goblet squats 12kg
30 sit ups.
As usual we warmed up all the movements.  The focus on the squats was getting to full depth each movement.  I struggle with my squat depth under weight so this was designed to help me get the right form to maintain my position.
I was really nervous about the WOD as the clock counted down to the start time.  I know every workout is going to test me physically and mentally.  I was concerned about the push press as all I could see was a huge number of reps that I had never done before.
Right from the first few swing of the kettlebell I know something wasn’t right.  I had nothing to give. Sam saw it too when she saw how I struggled after just a couple of swing and I put the kettlebell down to rest.  It felt like the hardest thing I had ever done.  I was trying my guts out to get through it but I was gone.  I kept breaking up the 30 and resting after just 5 reps. Couldn’t even push myself to 10.  Normally when Sam says to pick it up and keep going I do so pretty quickly.  But last night I lingered longer in each rest using all my mental reserve and conscious effort to make myself pick it up again.
I got through the 30 reps and I turned to Sam and told her I had nothing.  I was annoyed at myself because I felt like me being there was a waste of her time and mine.  My attitude is when you turn up to train you give it everything you have.  I felt like I was doing that yesterday but my everything wasn’t much at all.  Sam replied by saying it’s ok but we’re going to finish the workout. She wasn’t going to let me quit.  I was fighting back tears for just about the entire WOD.
The push press was so hard.  The weight wasn’t outside my capability but the number of reps was scaring me.  Sam kept saying things like ‘don’t think about it, just step up and do it’, ‘don’t psych yourself out’, ‘keep going’.
She would count my reps as I did them encouraging me to go for 2 more to get to 10.  Reminding me my technique was good.  Taking short breaks after every 10 reps I got through it.
Next one was the goblet squat.  After just a couple of reps I was struggling for depth and form so Sam took the kettlebell off me & we just did squats.  I was annoyed at myself for not getting through them as intended. But Sam could see I didn’t have much, so her focus was on me finishing the workout. 
After every exercise I had my hands on my knees and head down, just sucking in air and trying to find my fight.  At one point Sam did say that I needed to fight through my barriers. I just had no fight to give yesterday.  I was trying and I guess fighting to find the big strong fight I normally have, but my fight was just in finishing and holding it together.
When the workout was done I lay on the floor. Totally spent.  I was disappointed with myself because I felt like it was a half arsed effort. Even though I knew I had worked as hard as I could. Sam said to me it wasn’t a waste of time, at least I had done something, I had trained.  Which was much better than the alternative of sitting home and eating crap.  I’m too focused on my goals at the moment to have gone to that extent, but it’s because of this focus I want to extract everything possible from each session. I just didn’t feel like I did that yesterday.
I spoke to Sam after and explained a little about how I had felt during the day and what was impacting me.  I told her I know it wasn’t my best session but I was doing everything I could.  I just had nothing left to offer.  She said that everyone has flat days from time to time for whatever reason.  I have been training hard and some days you just don’t have the usual energy.  She didn’t feel as though her or my time had been wasted.
I went home feeling really disappointed in myself.  I had not performed to my expectations.  Seems to be the way lately with Crossfit I have a few big improvements and then I have a workout which brings me crashing back to earth.  The nature of the beast I guess.
So my lesson to take from yesterday is that sometimes it’s not what you do, it’s simply the fact that you do something.
I intend to keep doing.

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