About a week or so ago I made the decision that this current round of 12WBT would be my last. It’s time to move on, let go of the safety rail and move forward.
It’s a point that quite honestly I never thought I would get to. I just assumed I would be a part of the program for as long as they keep doing it. I figured it was a safe place, and somewhere I belonged, and maybe I couldn’t do as well outside the program.
Events of this year have made me think differently about a lot of things. They have made me reassess my priorities and my expectations. It was during these reflections that I realised the time was right for me to let it go. This program and the community it has built has afforded me much good in my life & helped me seize opportunities I previously never would have. I have done things I had only ever dreamed about, like my first triathlon, running City to Surf, running up a mountain and most importantly starting Crossfit. It has brought some of the most amazing people into my life. Some have been friends from my very first moment on the program whilst others have come and gone from my life. All of these people have taught me valuable lessons about myself and about human nature. Some have been hard lessons to learn when true characters have been revealed, but for the most part they have been positive experiences. And the friends who remain with me I treasure very much.
It’s a bit scary and sad to be letting go. It’s just one more thing though this year I have done that with. It’s never an easy process but one I am getting better at. I am realising I am coming through all I have endured this year a much stronger more resilient version of myself. That’s the positive.
I’ve learned I don’t need an empire of support and a million people validating me, and I don’t seek that. I’ve learned I only need a few that I trust implicitly and beyond that I am enough for me. I’ve learned to be responsible for myself and not putting myself second to someone else’s whims. I’ve learned what it takes to be successful. I’ve learned that one moment of true honesty is worth more than a thousand empty promises.
After my success in Round 1 this year , this round was very much about consolidation and learning to find balance in my life. After losing myself for a time this round was about rediscovering who I am. I am learning what drives me. I have been successful this round in figuring out a few things and getting closer to leading a balanced life. Yes I am not at my goal weight, but I’m ok with that, because I know it will come soon enough. I am working to a plan to get me there.
My focus is very much on improving my skill & ability at Crossfit and also with my running. After a long break, which to be honest I had considered a permanent retirement, I have started running again. For the first time in my life I feel like I am enjoying it, and I can see improvements. I have awesome support and have never once felt that I’ve just been put in the too hard basket. I trust Tash’s plans and programs and work to complete them as best I can. Some days feel easier than others and sometimes I don’t see the improvement at all, but that’s running, and actually that’s life. I am however, determined to improve it and continue to gain confidence. It’s not something that comes easily to me and some may question why I persist with it, but it’s something I want to do. I know I’ll never be fast comparative to the average person, but that’s ok. I just want to be fast for me and fast for what I want to do. My goals are specific to me and that’s all that matters to me.
Crossfit brings its whole other set of challenges to my life daily. Sometimes the PR’s flow thick and fast but then other times it seems like I’ve never held a bar before in my life. I’ve learnt to take it as it comes, because for every step backwards I know that this will lead to giant leaps forwards in weeks to come. I have come so far in the 12mths I have been considering myself a Crossfitter, and in particular this last year where I have committed totally to it. Things have changed for me there with a new box, but I have coped well with the adjustment. The coaches and people at Crossfit New Beginning have made me feel like part of the crew from day 1. And that has helped more than I can say. I’m slowly getting my routine sorted so I can resume daily sessions. The workouts still scare the crap outta me every day. But that’s what I love about it, feeling that fear and then getting through the workout better than I thought I would.
A lot of the philosophies of Crossfit apply now to my daily life. About turning up, committing to what I am doing, being respectful of my community, supporting those within it & most importantly working hard every single opportunity I get. I don’t want to back away from the things that scare or intimidate me anymore, whether they are situations or people. I am good enough and if I work hard enough that is all I can ask of myself.
So my focus moving forward as I nervously take off the 12WBT training wheels is – keep doing what I am doing. Work harder than I ever have on my training and skills & make my diet cleaner than ever before whilst continuing to work towards being the person I want to be and the person the people closest to me deserves to have alongside them.
The old book has closed and now I start writing my story again, as I want it to be.