I really struggled today. Mentally, emotionally & physically
This afternoon I had some hard stuff to deal with before I got to the session so was feeling pretty fragile before I got there.
The workout was intense.....10 rounds for time of 15 40kg deadlifts and 15 push ups. In total 150 reps of each.
I can't do a full push up as yet so scaling was banded push ups. By the end of the workout I swear Marc had put every band they owned onto me just to help.
This workout was so much harder than I anticipated. By round 6 I wasn't sure I could finish. By round 8 I didn't want to finish. I was hot & exhausted and mentally gone. It took every ounce of strength I had to keep going. My coaches were encouraging me and pushing me to get it done. I even had a little cry during the push ups in round 8.
I was miles behind everyone else and that was making me feel slow and awkward. Everyone was getting behind me and pushing me along. I finally finished in 23m54s and wanted to die when it was over. I just went outside and lent on the big tyre, arms and legs shaking. Not sure if I wanted to throw up or not.
Yes the win was in finishing but I really felt crap about it after. I felt like I should have done more and done better. Like I didn't work hard enough. Maybe my coaches were disappointed in me. I felt so good after last nights WOD and PB to today's strugglefest.
It's been a hard month so far and everything just gets to the point when it's just all too much. That was where I was today. It gets to a point when the constant fight just eats away at you & some days you can't fight as much.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Well one thing I do know is that it will bring more training. And another opportunity to test myself.