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Friday, November 11, 2011

Using the Dark to Fuel the Fires Within

One of my favourite Crossfit bloggers to read is CrossFit Lisbeth.  Every day she has a daily post called WOD (Words of the Day) and they posts can be profoundly touching & thoughtful to funny & challenging.  First thing I do every morning is log on an see what she has to inspire me today.

I read this blog this morning from Crossfit Lisbeth on how we all have a deeper reserves of power, passion & drive that we never tap into. Energies so powerful they could help us light up our lives beyond expectation. Read the post here "Superheros"

In the post she refers to the depth & darkness’s that carry so much power.  Really got me thinking about how we can use that darkness which resides in all of us to push beyond our limits & in turn bring more lightness to our lives.

Most of the time when people are looking for that drive, an extra lift they search for the positivity within them, the self affirmations of being strong & good enough, Drawing on past achievements and glories to push forward.  Nothing wrong with that at all and it can work very effectively. However on reflection this morning I am wondering if that which we hide away from the world, our demons if you will, are a far more powerful force for change.

To be perfectly honest I have found that when in the midst of a killer WOD, where all I want to do is stop, curl up into a ball & die, the places I look into deep within me are those darkness’s. No other workout pushes me to the point where I want to succeed at all costs.  By succeeding I don’t mean winning or PB’s, I mean simply finishing the task at hand. Giving every left ounce of me to get through it.  The only way I have been able to fuel my fire is using that negative energy & turning it to a force for change.

Every time I complete a WOD or master I new skill, every time I push through my own limits I use up more of those depths of blackness and allow more room for growth.  With every rep, every lift, every climb I move further & further away from that which has previously held me back.

Lisbeth is right in saying that no one can do it for you, no one can want it for you, you have to bring it yourself. You have to turn up every single time, commit to the task, commit to yourself & give till you have nothing left to give, and at that point go find some more.

I’ve had a lot of things happen to me throughout my life that have left me mentally battered and lacking belief. I see every workout as an opportunity to show anyone who thought I couldn’t that I indeed can and I am.  I am defying their doubts & their taunts, giving a giant ‘I told you so’ with every lift, run, jump or climb.  I know every time I step into that box I am doing something that not everyone can do and not everyone chooses to do. 

Maybe that dark fire is the one that burns brightest, maybe that is where our true inner strength lies? The desire to overcome all that has held us down is more fuel than reflecting on past achievements.  Looking back on what I have achieved makes me proud however I don’t find it instils me with confidence to push forward.  I am inclined to be the kind of person who thinks ok, well that’s done, time for a break.  Not really furling the desire for self improvement and growth.  Just because we have climbed one mountain does not mean we should not bother trying to scale the rest.

Crossfit brings out the desire in me to keep climbing. To keep pushing to achieve more & more.  As fast as I learn one skill I see 10 more to be learnt, then mastered, then 10 more from that and so on.  I feel like I am very much at the learning stage, not really mastered anything. And that’s ok. It really is. Now for someone who is a renowned perfectionist, brutally hard taskmaster that’s a big revelation. I certainly never really got to that point with my golf game, endlessly frustrated at the lack of progress at times no matter how much work I put into it.

But Crossfit is different for me.  It has flicked a switch in me I never knew existed.  It has helped me tap into areas deep within myself I have never been to before.  No matter how hard or challenging or painful these places are, I go there time & time again, using them to become stronger than I was the day before.  Fuelling a fire I never knew I had & keeping it burning.

Crossfit does change lives. It can take someone who is broken and be the tool that they use to rebuild their lives.  Crossfit can’t do it alone, it is simply the vehicle.  If you are prepared to open yourself up & prepare to give more of yourself than you ever have before Crossfit can help you change your life & maybe even feel like you have control again.  That’s a powerful feeling.

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