13.1

The CrossFit Games Open season is upon us. 5 workouts in 5 weeks, and an opportunity for every CrossFit athlete globally to compete against each other in an attempt to qualify for The Games in July. How cool is that we get to compete in the same workout, judged and logged on the CrossFit website, as the best athletes in the world like Spealler, Froning, Foucher & Valenzuela. Awesome.

With much anticipation last Thursday we logged on and awaited the global release of the first WOD. Lots of speculation about what it could be and the announcement caused groans around the world…a combination of 2012 workouts.

17min AMRAP

40 burpees (with a jump to a target 6inches above your maximum reach)
30 snatches (20kg)
30 burpees
30 snatches (35kg)
20 burpees
30 snatches (45kg)
10 burpees
Snatches 55kg (use remaining time for as many reps as possible)

Immediately my heart sank. My first Open and I didn’t think I was going to be able to register a single score. Simply I didn’t think I could jump high enough to hit that target on the burpee’s.  My open season would be done in week 1.  I was very very stressed about it. I put a target on the wall at home and for 2 days tried and tried to hit it but each time fell short.  As a child my muscles didn’t develop as they should have so I never developed the explosive power I needed to jump & run, so those elements are usually a challenge for me.

I had no intention of withdrawing from the Games, I was always going to attempt it. Even if I had to spend the 17mins jumping up and down till I hit that damn target.

Many of my friends and members of a CrossFit page I am part of were all scoring around 100reps or more. I just felt so crap about the thought of actually failing, it was to be honest quite upsetting to me.

D Day arrived and I fronted up to the box and was allocated a heat time for my turn. I was getting some very cool messages from a couple of close friends to encourage me and they helped more than they will ever know.

Finally the time had come and I found my place and was measured for the burpee target. Once again I tried and tried to hit the target and the only way I could do it was taking a running jump, sadly this was not allowed in the event. I said to my judge & coach Jody that she wouldn’t have to count very high as I couldn't hit that target.

My friends in the box were just saying to me just get one rep, that’s all I needed to progress to week 2.  I doubted I could even get that and that was my focus, just one rep. To me that would be a win.

3….2……1…..GO and we were underway. I dropped into my first burpee, stood up, looked up at that ring, took a deep breath and just leapt. 

And to my complete astonishment I hit the damn target.  I will always remember the cheer that my mate Jan let out when I hit that ring. So back down I went and kept going. I anticipated I would take the entire 17mins to get through 40 burpees. Each and every single rep I stood under that ring and had to make a conscious total effort on that leap.

Jody was awesome pushing me on for every rep, reminding me to breathe, and focus on each jump. She counted me down and before I knew it I was onto the first round of snatches. I totally surprised myself. I was pretty shattered as I had given everything on every burpee. The weight of 20kg was manageable for me so my next goal was to finish them.

Started throwing the bar overhead and focusing on making each rep a good one. I didn't want to redo any.  Again I could hear people yelling my name, which just helps so much. Jody once again was wonderful and counting me through reps and making sure my rest was short. Half way through the snatches I started to think about what I was doing and how hard it was and how I wasn’t going to score anywhere near my peers. Felt tears coming and desperately didn’t want to lose my shit there so wandered off, got chalked and pulled myself together and kept going.

To my surprise again I got through the snatches and still had time for burpees.  In the remaining time I manages another 8. So my score for 13.1 was 78 reps. Not where I wanted to be but not the worst in the world.  And for me the win was in just getting one single rep. To overcome all that up until that moment I could not do.

I am not the fittest, strongest or fastest when it comes to this stuff. But every single time I step into that box I give 100% of myself. Sometimes I’m disappointed in what I can achieve, and other times I surprise myself with what I can do. I always try regardless.

So now we’re waiting to hit 13.2. The workout is something I can do so will post the results once I am done!!

Miss Me?

Well it’s certainly been a long while since I last posted here and it’s been a manic two months.  Let me sort through the chaos….

The week before Christmas I lost my job as a contractor down in Sydney. Crisis stations ensued and I madly began scrambling for options.  After all an income is critical.

Returned home to QLD as scheduled over the 2 week Christmas break and decided to give my PT business Accelerate YOU Personal Training a test run to see if maybe that could be my future.  I was very surprised with the interest in my sessions for that 2 weeks and it gave me hope that maybe I could make this work long term. For the first time in a long time I felt completely happy and fulfilled by what I was doing. So the decision was made to pack up and move back home.

I had some mixed feelings about leaving Sydney. For as much I had not been happy there for over a year there were some aspects of my life I had come to live for.  The main one being my box & crew at Crossfit New Beginning.  This was very much my second home and truly I have never felt as included or welcomed into a community as I did there. It was the one place I could go and just be me. The sessions were awesome, coaching second to none and the atmosphere was fantastic. I loved being there.

Also I had been doing some good work with my coach James and had seen such real progress over our time working together. I didn’t want to lose that support & momentum.  I very much knew my life was about to turn to chaos once again. For me the hardest thing I had to do in my final week in Sydney was go tell James I was leaving then deal with telling my friends in the box and seeing the workouts tick down till my final one.

The last day at the box was something very special. James so thoughtfully named the WOD after me and included some of my favourite movements, and some of my least favourite.  

It was a team WOD and my partner was the awesome Chantal.  

Chantal & I post WOD

We came up with our strategy and went for it. Powered through the burpees and lifts. We knew we were a few reps ahead of the dream team of Jake and Mark.  Last big effort for us was the kettlebell swings and we knocked out 165 in the time remaining. We beat the boys by 20reps and won the WOD. I’ve never won a WOD in my life so I have to say it was very cool to win my own named WOD.

I will be forever grateful to the crew at CrossFit New Beginning for all they have given me in the few short months I was there. It was the best CrossFit experience of my life.  I have to give special thanks to my coaches Matt & James who both had a profound impact on me in different ways.  James in particular through his 1:1 sessions and putting so much time into helping me get where I wanted to be.

Coach James

My CFNB Family

So mid Jan I moved back to QLD and commenced being a PT in my own business full time. Somewhat daunting and scary and a lot of pressure to make it work.  I was determined to do all I could however to make this successful.  It is very much my passion and I loved every second of it. From the super early starts to writing up new and challenging programs.

To be honest the results have exceeded my expectations. Business is growing quickly which I needed it to do but didn’t expect it to. For the first time in a long time I am truly happy and loving what I do. I love seeing my clients push through barriers and achieve things they never thought possible.

So whilst all this has been going on I have been trying to sort myself into a routine. Easier said than done, but I am working on it. 

I have joined a new box, which feels like home anyway as I have trained here on my visits back to QLD. I am now a proud member of CrossFit North Lakes and am loving the challenges that are thrown my way through the workouts. I am not getting there as often as I like but am working towards a better routine.

I have also commenced 1:1’s again with my very original coach Adam out of CrossFit Northside. I really enjoy my sessions with Adam and he is a lot like James in that he can always push and challenge me and helps me work out a plan to get to my goals.

So…..what are my goals now?  Excellent question.  Apart from the continual work to improve my CrossFit skills and also my lifting skills, and the endless quest to improve my fitness and body, there are some specific things I am working towards.

I am firstly continuing with my run training. Was very sad when I left Sydney to not be able to run with my coach Tash weekly. She has done an enormous amount of good with my general confidence in running but also my performance. One of the best decisions I ever made was to ask for her help. However she continues to guide and support me by sending me through run programs to complete and analyses my results. Without that I simply wouldn’t bother.  And I am looking forward to a visit to Sydney at some point to run with her again.

I’ve also stepped up and entered 2 strongman events. One major event in April and a smaller event in March.

I wasn’t going to enter the March event until my coach Ellen from CFNL tagged me in a Facebook post asking if I was entering and if not why. I responded saying my training was a bit underdone and she replied about all she was hearing was excuses. Button pushed and I toddled off to enter. Only after entering did I find out the most exciting news.  One of my CrossFit idols in Rob Orlando would be attending. The thought of him being at the event and the chance to meet him was beyond exciting to me.

Then Ellen mentioned he was running his CrossFit Strongman seminar that weekend as well. That is a seminar I had said I would always love to do. Cost was $300 so I set about finding a way to make it happen, and I did. I signed up. That seminar is going to be particularly valuable for me to learn properly a lot of the strongman techniques I will need for my big comp in April, such as atlas stones. It’s going to be one VERY cool weekend for me and a big leap out of my comfort zone. But as this picture Ellen posted to my wall says it’s always about taking action and accepting new challenges so I continue to grow.

I’ve only ever had one go at Atlas Stones in the past so my super strong friend Alli connected me with a friend of hers up here who could help me. So next week I’m off to work with Rebecca and see how I go.  Adam is using my 1:1’s to develop training plans that will help me overall in the event and working on building some key strength components.

So that’s my focus. Getting ready for these two events and learning as much as I can. CrossFit is my primary love and it is through CrossFit I am able to pursue these other interests. Let’s face it, I am never going to be overly competitive in a strictly CrossFit event and I probably never will have the right range of movement for power lifting or weight lifting. Strongman provides a great compromise between the 2 and gives me that competitive outlet in something not everyone can do.  I love the challenge.

As you can see my life is pretty full on at the moment but am beginning to regain that feeling of control and purpose.  I have something to work towards and can see a path. Plus my PT work fulfills me in other ways and I want to keep being the very best I can be for my clients and helping them push towards their goals.

Life is good.

Welcome Back

Sometimes life has a way of surprising you.

Yesterday was not a great day. Personally my impersonation of a gopher sticking it’s head out of a hole did not go so well after copping a few hits, work was stressful and it was basically a long day. Also at the back of my mind was the fact it was deadlift 1RM night at the box.

I  posted about 6 weeks ago about how it had deserted me – Missing One Deadlift.  I was frustrated and down on confidence.  Not helping me feel good about getting my deadlift back was the fact I had seemed to miss every deadlift session done at the box over the last 6 weeks. Awesome. I arrived at the box feeling flat & tired, traffic was awful getting out there, and I had the wrong training gear and just was not feeling it.

The class was massive so I said to James I could sit out and would just do it later in the week and I’d go upstairs and work on my other lifts. I was looking for an out.  I didn’t want to do it and fail again.  James knew this after I had mentioned it briefly in our 1:1 on Tuesday so he certainly wasn’t going to give it to me. He said nope it’s fine. My heart skipped joyfully – NOT!

My good mate Hoffy had been messaging me and she knew I wasn’t all that confident in what I would do. She sent me one text that said simply ‘lift one for me would ya’. I knew she was trying to give me a focus because I didn’t think I do it and that if I was doing one for her then I’d not hold back. And despite knowing this my inner instinct kicked in and I didn’t want to let her down.

Once again teamed up with Lisa & Mya for the session. I have a lot of fun working with these girls and it’s awesome to watch them smash through PB’s and do more than they thought they could. Both are very strong and also quite determined. We push each other along really well.

We began working through our warm up sets and I decided I wanted to try being aggressive with the lifts. Just walk up set my position and go.  The previous night when working on the snatch James had me do some fast explosive deadlifts to get the feel for my knees pulling out of the way first. I decided to try that with the lighter weights to get a good feel going. I hit the first 5 reps at 65kg hard and fast and it felt good.

Working up in weight I was jumping up 10kg at time in the early sets and each set felt as easy as the one before. In between my sets I got to encourage Mya & Lisa with their lifts and watch them smash it.  Once I did my set at 95kg easily and still with some speed I then was determined to beat my previous PB of 120kg. I haven’t lifted anything over 105kg since April. I wanted it a lot.

With every passing rep I got more and more confident. Passing 100 & 105 comfortably gave me so much confidence as that was my sticking point. It felt easy and I felt strong. 110 & 115 came and went and I knew I had more in the tank.  Mya smashed a PR of 90kg and made it look so easy. Very cool.

Lisa & I were still adding weight. Her PR was the same as mine of 120 and I was keen to make sure she had a chance to beat hers as well.  I stepped up to 120 and took a breath and just lifted. When I completed the lift I was so happy to have made it, equal PR and the best I had managed at CFNB. Lisa managed to equal her PR lift which was great!!

I thought about going for 122 but then went bugger it and threw 5kg to bring it to 125.  Time was running down but took a couple of extra seconds for some chalk and a breath then walked to the bar.  I stood, backed off then walked straight in and set up. With one breath in I started the lift and it felt like that bar floated up. Normally when I’ve done a PR it’s a struggle to get it to the top and it drags on my thigh but no such problem last night!! I dropped the bar and threw my hands in the air. I think if I had another 5mins I could have given 130 a crack but time was done.  I even did a little jump for joy.

I’d tweeted earlier in the afternoon about the day not being great and a good friend sent back ‘turn that frown upside down’. Well let me tell you finding my deadlift certainly achieved that!!!  I was buzzing. 

Next up we did floor press and between the 3 of us we all managed PB’s and  I got to 52kg which I had to fight for all the way up but got it.  As usual plenty of laughs between us three girls and somewhat of a comedy of errors helping each other with the weights. It was a good night.

So I sit here today happy & relieved that I got my deadlift mojo back.  I didn’t want it to be a confidence thing moving forward or whatever. Deadlifting was always my go to lift. I guess maybe I took it forgranted that I would always just do it. The battle to get it back certainly makes me appreciate that lift so much more. In fact it’s the PR that means the most to me.

Final tests tomorrow with Snatch and Clean & Jerk.  James did a largely technical session with me on both of these lifts to ensure I had confidence in my technique in order to lift as well as I can on Friday. We did lots of reps at a light weight, even down to 7kg with the snatch. Just to get technique and confidence right.

When I go in tonight I’ll do some work prior to the session just to make sure I’ve still got it. Because I have never done massive weight with either of these lifts and the Snatch is definitely my weakest lift I have no expectations. Whatever I lift I lift, but I know I’ll be one step closer to getting the numbers I know I am capable of.

I saw this photo a couple of days ago and it’s never been truer for me than it is right now.....

At the end of the day, no matter what is going on in my life, that bar is always waiting there to give me an outlet. It doesn’t care about my excuses or how sorry I feel for myself. It’s up to me if it moves or not and what I do with it. I love the feeling of chalking my hands, finding my grip on the bar, feeling the texture as I lock in my grip.  It gives me a single point of focus for that moment in time where I can prove to myself I am indeed strong. 

Improvement

I’m hitting my 3^rd week of hard work.  Working hard, eating clean and focusing on my goals.

Not everything has gone to plan in the last 3 weeks but I’ve made the best choices I could at any given point in time. I haven’t missed a training session and have given every last ounce of myself in each of those sessions.

The results are showing.  I’m seeing some downward movement on the scales.  Interestingly I no longer obsess about that number as I once did. I know it’s important for it to continue to go down and that’s the focus of my coach at the moment. However for me I am much more driven by the physical changes and performance improvements.  Yes I know these are linked to that ever reducing number, but for me it’s continuing to develop as an athlete that drives me.

In week 1 my coach James outlined the first phase of my program and he set me a couple of homework tasks. The first one being 20 push ups on my toes every night. Without fail. He didn’t care that at this point I couldn’t go to depth or if I had to break them up into single reps.  I’ve been diligent with this.  I wouldn’t classify what I do as a push up.  The depth I am now achieving is almost ¾ the way to having my chest hit the ground, but for the purposes of this post I will refer them to push ups.   In just over 2 weeks my depth has increased by about 2 inches and I’m doing them in sets of 5 & 6.  I know the standard that is required and the timeframe I have to achieve that so am super focused on getting to depth ASAP then stringing reps together.

The other drill is to work on developing my midline strength and again 20 reps of a candlestick hold and negative release is my nightly prescription.  These are killers and am only able to do 3 at a time. But I get it done.

Our sessions have been hard & intense. Mostly lots of hard endurance style WOD’s that involve me constantly moving throughout the WOD and no time for resting.  Even during the general class sessions the WOD’s have been long and at times quite heavy.

All of this work, along with work I’ve done all year is showing rewards.

Earlier this week we did a WOD that contained Prone Rows (in push up position and alternate bringing each arm to chest with a dumbbell).  Previously I have only been able to do this on my knees and with a light weight.  This week not only did I rip them out in perfect form with 5kg dumbbells, but did 40 of those bad boys!! BOOM!

The WOD also included weighted sit ups with a 10kg plate held overhead.  I’ve done these before but only with a 5kg plate.  Once again I smashed out 40 of them with the 10kg plate and managing to keep my arms locked out in almost perfect position. Shattered at the end of that WOD but stoked.

Tuesday saw James inflict my nemesis upon me........Airdyne. He wanted me to ride for 10mins for max calories. Previously the longest I’ve had to do was 5mins. I was shattered and my legs felt like death. It was brutal so I certainly wasn’t looking forward to spending double the time on it. You fight so hard for every single one of those calories on the Airdyne. James had a goal for me to get just over 100cals for the effort.  I was simply focused on not coming off the bike and making the time. I set a reasonable pace that I could maintain. After I settled in I started doing 20 bursts of increased intensity and then easing back to my baseline for the remainder of the minute.

I found a spot in my brain where I could just switch off everything and focus on what I had to do.  The last minute I really raised the intensity as much as I could and at the end I had scored 128cals.  Hardest 128cals I’ve ever burnt I can tell you.

Checked my stats from the prev 5min effort and realised I had hit a PB for the 5min time and also overall. WIN

Wednesday night was purely a strength session focusing on weighted squat variations.  The last movement was an overhead squat with a plate. The overhead squat is one of my weakest movements. And holding a plate with the narrow grip I just couldn’t hit the right position so I just did regular overhead squats with the PVC pipe.  Yep that’s right no weight. For someone like me who loves to throw heavy stuff around it felt a little like I went backwards. BUT I know that getting the technique right at low weight or light weight is going to help me long term in lifting heavier. We did the same process with snatches etc a couple of months ago and that worked so well.

For the first time ever I was able to hit those squats to depth AND hold myself in a stable upright position. I was really happy with this progression as it’s been a long time coming. It means all the remedial work I’ve been doing to strengthen my midline, lats and also my mobility is paying off.  I did overhead squats as part of this morning’s WOD with 15kg and was not able to get to depth. I was still much improved but know I have a bit more work to do.  But still the win for me was feeling happier under the bar and more confident.

The other part of today’s WOD was ‘Isabel’ which is 30 snatches for time.

I last did this workout in Nov 2011 with an 8kg bar.  I had no confidence with the snatch movement and really struggled.  I got it done in 2:14 but I distinctly remember it was pretty ugly and basically involved me muscling the bar up.

James has done a lot of work with me on my technique for this complex lift. We’ve done a variety of weights and drills to build my strength, technique and confidence. This morning Matt told me to use 25kg for the workout.  I did a couple of warm up reps and it felt heavy and I wasn’t sure how I would go for 30reps.  I said to him I thought it was too heavy and his reply was ‘it’s supposed to be heavy’, argument over.

Funnily enough once it was go time that bar ripped up over my head. I did the first 10 reps unbroken then dropped the bar, shook out my arms and pushed on.  I did the next set of 5 before I started to feel the failure point on the last lift.  Broke up all the remaining lifts into sets of 5 then 2’s.  Before I knew it I joined the chorus of voices yelling time. I clocked out at 2:51. 

So yeah some of you will say well you did it slower so that’s no improvement, but I did do it with an extra 17kg on the bar AND this time I was actually performing the correct version of the snatch.  17kg might not seem like much of an improvement over a year but when it comes to throwing weight over your head it’s pretty decent.  Considering it’s only in the last couple of months I have been able to add weight and land the lift successfully.  For me it’s a big win for a lift I lacked confidence in.

Mentally this couple of weeks has been quite tough. I’ve been adjusting to a few things and finding my focus. But I find CrossFit gives me the goals and purpose to simple engage autopilot to get what I have to do done. As has happened so many times this year, when I step inside that box nothing else matters. It’s me doing what I love more than anything in the world, standing shoulder to shoulder with people I respect immensely.  In that moment it’s my time to do something for me.

This year is rapidly drawing to a close. Part of me is eternally grateful to close the door on what has been one of the hardest years I have ever endured.  At times however there have been some incredible moments which in not for the hard stuff I would never have experienced. 

I would never have competed and 5 CrossFit Games days, and gained enormous confidence from, oh and a new t-shirt collection!! I would never have competed in my first strongwoman event.  I would never have started focusing on my running and enlisted the amazing support of my run coach. I wouldn’t have made it to Melbourne to see my friend Hoffy show true bravery in completing the 2012 Burpee Challenge.  It hasn’t all been bad, and that’s something I need to remind myself of when the dark clouds roll over.

I’ve met some amazing people along the way and shared some incredible journeys, even if just for a brief time.  I’m getting much better at accepting people and relationships for what they are and being ok when they disappear from my life.  It is what it is. I can’t control them but as a good friend pointed out to me very recently I can control how I allow myself to feel about it. Their choices are a reflection on them and not me.  Again something I need to remember more frequently.

I’ve learnt this year life is uncertain, and yes it can be hard and brutal.  There are things to be worried about and afraid of. I am learning however the best way to deal with that is to just do the best I can, to be true to my values and who I am.

The improvements continue in all facets of my life and the learning never ends.  Not every day is going to be a PR day, some days you just gotta go back to basics and refocus, but on the good days make the most of that feeling as the bar passes up so effortlessly overhead. Hang on to that feeling and keep moving forward.

The Game Plan

I have a plan. Well to be exact my coaches have a plan for me. After having to explain where I am at and seeking for guidance on where I could wind up we have now set the wheels in motion.  It’s a daunting task that I am now undertaking. I now need to step up and perform, back up all the talk I’ve done about wanting things to be different. I actually have to DO it now. No excuses, no regrets, no half arsed efforts, just pure simple hard work.  I love rules & structure and now I have plenty of that between my CrossFit and my running plans.  No room to drift along aimlessly, the holiday cruise is over.

I posted my Tuesday 1:1 session on a page in Facebook and said how shattered I was after it and how hard was.  One of the comments was about how this person had a feeling that I really kinda liked it this way.  And to be honest I absolutely do.  I love that feeling of being completely pushed past what I think I am capable of.  The WOD was punishing and went for a long time, took me 40:10 to complete the work.  My WOD’s of late have been short and sharp, which has been good for developing my short intensity and explosive power, but now it’s time to burn.  So James my coach is building more endurance into my programs. However with the endurance there still has to be intensity, so always moving, still pushing to get done as soon as possible, but not backing off.

It’s finding this balance that helps build the mental strength I need and the ability to keep going when all I want to do is stop and crash.

The WOD was:

6rds for time

10 x 22kg Bench Press
10 x 22kg Power Clean
20 x Sit Ups
20 x Step Ups
20 x 3kg Wall Balls
150m Row

Originally it was going to be 8 rounds, which when announced my eyes nearly popped out of my head. James assured me he was serious. Couple of warm up reps with the bar to check the weight and we were straight into it. Surprisingly I was moving through the movements fairly well, slowed up on the step ups as that is not a strong movement for me but I kept going. Another weak movement is the wall balls but once I had the ball in hand James kept pushing me to get the set done without breaking it up.  Usually with wall balls I’ll break them up into sets of 10 because they just shatter me.  Regardless I pushed through and hit the rower for the 150m row.  The round had taken a while to get through but back into it.  The only rest I took was in between movements. Even with the power cleans once I had that bar in my hands I did not let it go. If I needed a breath I simply paused for one breath in the hang position before returning the bar to the floor to touch & go again.

Once I’d done 3 rounds James said if I got through the 4^th round without breaking up reps he would scale it back. I my mind I was thinking cool less reps on the things I struggle with. However as I entered the 5^th set he advised me we’d be working to a 40min time cap. So not less reps just keep going. This was a little deflating but I wanted to get through as much work as I could.  In my head I started pushing myself not to stop. Keep moving. The last 2 rounds of step ups and wall balls were really tough. So very nearly stopped each time but with a bit of encouragement from James I kept going.

There was a sneaky addition to the WOD in that after each set of bench press I had to then unrack the bar and position it on the floor ready for the cleans and then after the row re-rack it and position the bench again.  Doesn’t seem like much but when everything is hurting that extra effort takes a lot.

Coming out of that last round I knew time was tight to get it done before the end of the time cap and I gave everything I had on that row.  I was shattered at the end.  James on the other hand was pretty happy that I’d done it without majorly breaking up reps. I would pause for a breath and keep moving, not putting down the equipment or walking away.

Tuesday was a big day as I had been scheduled a sprint session by my run coach Tash. It’s been a little while since I have tackled sprints and I knew it would be tough.   10 x 50m sprints doesn’t seem much but recovery was only 20sec between efforts and it was hard work.  I did my usual trick of getting out there to my favourite back street super early so I could do it in peace.  First few laps I was really feeling the burn through the body and the lungs. And that 20sec recovery burned off so quickly. I dreaded hearing the countdown beeps on my watch.  However I got it done. I went home and downloaded the data and to be frank was bitterly disappointed to see how much slower I was than previous effort.  Logically I expected it but I still didn’t like to see it. 

As always Tash is more than supportive and encouraging, always reassuring me of the bigger plan and that it’ll all be ok.  She knows how I responded to the training before so in her mind it’s all good. She has a plan for me and as I trust her implicitly I hang onto that belief and push the frustration to the side. 

Both the plans are complimentary and linked into the overall goals and will help me achieve big things.  I am beyond grateful for the time & effort these guys put into my training and helping me become better. Helping me become an athlete and achieve anything I want to. I’ve learnt a lot this year about the value of support and how it’s critical to have the right support.

Gradually I am learning to recognise genuine real support rather than people who simply use you to further their own cause.  The layers of these false people are being stripped out of my life and I’m content with who I now choose to have around me. My inner circle has shrunk and I am happy about that. At the start of the year I had a small circle and against my better judgement I widened it, allowed people to get close.  This was an error in judgement. Having had no one I accepted any support as genuine, and this was not the case. As the year has gone on and events unfolded, my eyes have been opened and I realise now where I need to be & who I need to have around me.

I have lots of plans for my life now. I have a focus & something to strive for that I am totally committed to achieving.  Some of the plans scare the shit outta me. Rather than focus on that and be paralysed by what at this moment seems unattainable, my time is taken up by doing everything today I need to do.  If I keep repeating that process all these days of hard work will make those goals achievable. Good decisions, good actions, consistent effort & hard work, that’s the recipe.

Game On..................

Honesty

Honesty. It’s a big word and sadly more and more under used in practical application these days.  Seems a lot of people are too busy portraying the ‘image’ they want to be perceived as when at times that’s a long way from the reality.

Through this blog I have always been honest about where I have fallen down, what I’ve struggled with, my failings and also my success. I can’t see any point in pretending to be something I am not.  If you appear to be this infallible self appointed guru to always having your shit together then chances are your probably don’t. People can spend hour’s spruiking the latest motivational quotes and sayings, giving all & sundry the illusion that they’re on top of everything. That perception can be intimidating for the average person who reads the endless stream of posts and wonders why they can’t get it together like that. They feel inferior and can lead to them thinking ‘well what is the point?’. If you have to manufacture inspiration to create and grow your following, it is another illusion.  I don’t seek to inspire or be held to a high pinnacle of achievement. I simply seek to live my life, continue building a better me & at the end of the day being the best person I can be. If someone can get something out of my path then good for them. I don’t consciously live or act to be seen as inspiring.

I’m honest & direct. I make no apology for that. I’ve spent far too long in recent years walking on eggshells and being all things to everyone, and I learnt that hard way that it was never going to be enough & I would wind up the loser.  Being honest & direct has cost me friends or caused people to make assumptions about my worth or intention. I’ve never set out to intentionally hurt another human being, but again people will believe what they want and I have decided to stop fighting it. I’ve decided to remove the angst and anger and just be. I am who I am.  The people who love & respect me will continue to do so and they get the same in return from me. I don’t need to be validated by being the centre of the world. I don’t need to be heralded as the next big thing. I am me.

In the theme of honesty I’m now clearing the decks and starting again with some aspects of my life.  It’s no secret that for some time now I’ve been feeling a bit empty and without a purpose.  I have written a post about it a couple of times.  I’ve struggled with consistency with training & diet. I haven’t had the epic fail I experienced this time last year, but I’m not where I want to be.  I’ve been treading water for too long, stagnant. This is a new me however, to this time last year.  I was waiting for someone to rescue me, to do what needed to be done. It never happened, despite a few big flares into the sky.  Earlier this year I went through the process of rescuing myself. And I did a bloody good job.  I worked hard, I sacrificed lots and & reached my goals. More importantly I proved that I could indeed rescue myself, I had begun to realise I am enough.

What am I doing about this current feeling of drifting & lacking direction & purpose? I’m putting it out there to the people I trust most to work with me to come up with a plan. Not to solve it for me or baby me through each day, but to work with me. Utilising their skills & experience to help me plot & plan a clear direction to the future I want. I need clear specific goals, I also need something I am truly passionate about, a purpose that causes me to relentlessly do what I have to do to make it happen.  No options, no bailouts, just focus, commitment, excellence & bloody hard work.

I know what to do, and I know how to do it. My logical brain tells me I should be able to do all this without help, I have helped clients with the very same things I struggle with. However, as we all know it is far easier to stand to the side and help someone else, rather than have the hard ugly conversation with ourselves.  That hard ugly conversation is the one I have recently forced myself to have with myself.  Kinda like when as a kid you’re sent to your room and told to have a good hard look at yourself.  I spent some time in the naughty corner of late.  Following on from that discussion, I made some decisions about my next steps and what I wanted, and what I had to do to ensure I wasn’t going to be stuck in this holding pattern of wishful thinking for much longer.

The next steps for me were the hardest, I had to ask for help. This is totally not in my DNA, and I hate admitting failure or that I’m not in control. I’d rather find blunt burning sticks and repeatedly stab them in my eye and rinse with vinegar. Got the idea?

I’ve started the discussion with my CrossFit & Run coaches about how I feel, where I think I am going wrong, what I think I need and opened it up to be guided by them for suggestions. I’ve done this before earlier this year and it was excruciating. This time around wasn’t any easier.  I have made tremendous progress this year, both physically & mentally, sometimes I don’t recognise it but when I look back I can see it, sometimes I don’t even recognise the person from this time last year, and that’s a good thing.  I don’t want to be that weak inconsequential person to be walked over anymore.  It’s been by doing this hard stuff, the personal stuff that I’ve been able to move past that old version.

I’ve been honest with them about the good, the bad & the ugly, and that’s ok.  I trust these guys implicitly and I know they simply want to see me succeed.  These are the rare opportunities I have to just be me and it’s ok. Hard, but ok.

An amazing thing has happened, by being honest and being prepared to be open to opportunity, there have been some very cool potential goals presented to me that I would never have considered. I’ve even committed myself to a massive one, and one I am totally focused on achieving. I’m not making that one public as yet, but it is something I had always kinda had in the ‘would be nice but won’t ever happen pile’. It’s now been moved to the ‘absolutely must be achieved at all costs’ pile. And the other cool goals along the way excite me and will help me get there.  We’re tweaking aspects of my CrossFit training and also my other training. Nothing is finalised but I know I have plans and I feel a lot more focused today than I have in a long time.

Since May I’ve had moments of excitement about a goal and focus but it has been nothing that held my attention as much as I had at the start of the year.  To my mind I still have the same points to prove, the same reasons for wanting to be better but I just needed and end point to give me a tangible result, and now those are being lined up rapidly. 

The theme of this post is about honesty, and that’s what I’ve endeavoured to be. I’ve had people ask me how I do what I do and how I seem to always be powering along, they feel inadequate.  I want everyone to know that I don’t always have my shit together and the ducks lined up. I’d like to think I spend every day kicking ass but at times it is my own ass that needs the kicking. I don’t have, nor have ever professed to have all the answers.  I’m not a self appointed guru of enlightenment & wisdom.  I don’t jump from one celebrity guru to the other. I know what has worked for me in the past and I know what will work for me in the future.  If someone asks me for advice or support I give it, and what they do with it is completely up to them. 

The next steps are exciting yet terrifying at the same time.  I’m learning to embrace that as cool and recognise how that helps me focus & commit. So this is me at the moment, open & honest about where I am at. Moving out of the naughty corner back into the playground!!

The Spirit of the Games

The sport of CrossFit is growing at an amazing rate. Boxes cropping up in local areas and attracting more & more members.  This is an exciting time in the world of CrossFit and I love seeing it go from strength to strength, whilst never losing that spirit of community and connection to its raw beginnings.  It’s very cool to be a part of it.

One of the appealing things about CrossFit is its universal scalability. Meaning every workout or movement can be adapted to not only suit your physical abilities & fitness but still challenge you and help you develop the skills to gradually require less scaling options. Anyone can participate in CrossFit and walk away feeling like they’ve worked hard and achieved something from every session.

CrossFit encompasses the full range of athletes, from the elite names of Froning, Spealler, Khalipa, Mackay, Thorisdottir, Foucher, Smith etc right down to the 87 year old grandmother who can deadlift her bodyweight.  It caters for people like me, who in their entire life have never been athletic or fit or strong, let alone an athlete, but each & every one of us can walk into that box & come out feeling pretty much the same way. Sure I may take 10 minutes longer with lighter weights and modified pull ups to finish Fran than it takes Rich Froning, but I guarantee you we’ll both be lying on the floor shattered at the end. You won’t ever find that in any other sport.

The other unique aspect to CrossFit is the fact it is a sport, you can compete in CrossFit events all over the world. Obviously the pinnacle is the CrossFit Games which the best of the best pit themselves against each other, however to have gotten to that point they have competed against the 75,000+ competitors from all over the world, all walks of life to get there through the Opens. Anyone on the planet can enter the Opens, so conceivably I could do enough to qualify for a regional event and then make it all the way to the CrossFit Games. 

Now while you pick yourself up off the floor from mirth at that thought, I know that yes for me it’s not technically possible. However the example was to prove how accessible CrossFit is.  What other sport gives you that opportunity?  I mean I’m not going to have a chance of making the Australian Swim Team for the Olympics after competing in just 5 local swims, then a regional event.  It just doesn’t happen.

However for people like me, and also the elite in the community we have our chance to compete. On any given weekend there will be a box somewhere hosting a games day. The day will consist of a number of WOD’s and maybe a team event as well.  There may be categories for beginner, intermediate or advanced/open athletes.  You self select your entry point based on your skills & experience. Many times the host box will post a list of suggested minimum movements so you know where you are best entered. It’s not an exact science but it works. Even then you still have the option to scale the weight or movement, doing that just simply means you’re probably not going to podium, but you can still participate.

For people like me who are strictly beginners, and to be honest probably will be for a while yet, these box level games days are the opportunity we’ve waited our whole life for. To be considered an athlete, to compete equally. I love getting my gear ready, turning up on the day and having a number inked on my arm or leg, collecting the athlete t-shirt, seeing what heat I am in. All that stuff that so many people who have done events their whole life take for granted. Yes it might sound dorky of me to say the above, but you know what, I’m cool with that. For me being able to do the games days I have this year has been incredible. I love it. The atmosphere, the nerves, the excitement and the sense of achievement for completing it. Yes I’m not fast and have never threatened the winners. But I’m ok with that, for me the win has been in participating.  Being one of the competitors.  Having my box mates cheering for me and the high fives when the job is done, then me doing the same for them.  I’ve done 5 events this year and one strongwoman, and to be honest at the start of the year I didn’t expect I would have done 1.  I can’t wait for next season to start because I know I will be a better athlete by then.

Games days are growing in popularity. Entries fill so fast and there are more and more athletes wanting to compete. Organisers try to make the day as worthwhile as possible with new and challenging workouts. It’s now getting to the point where it is hard to fit everything in and events for all divisions.

I went to the South West Sydney event on the weekend, this time not as a competitor but as a support crew for the guys in my box who were competing. There was a team event and also an individual event.  The individual event was for advanced/open level athletes and the team event was intermediate type level. It was an awesome day with 3 WOD's and well run. They held it at an athletics track and apparently there were over 650 athletes in total. Massive.  Whilst I missed the buzz of competing, when I saw the WOD’s I knew there was no way I could have been a solid contributor to my team in the team event. Some of the components were a little beyond me for now. There wasn’t a beginner category at this event.

With the demand for games day’s so high I can’t help but wonder if many more boxes will consider having to stage events of this size and magnitude. And if that’s the case does it mean that eventually there will be less and less events for us beginners to enter as individuals.  Personally I would find that a bit sad, because it’s that aspect of CrossFit that is truly special in that it’s inclusive and anyone can come play, that I am drawn too. Being able to compete has done so much for my self esteem and confidence this year; it’s also helped my skills develop as I have found areas to focus my improvement around. 

I fear if the events become too big we’ll lose the beginner type level and we’ll go back to how we’ve been in the rest of our lives and watching the ‘good’ people go have all the fun.  I know the way to ensure I can continue to compete is to improve my skills so I can be intermediate. But I am realistic and there is a long way to go before I meet those criteria across the board consistently. 

Chris Spealler said this recently, in reference to the CrossFit Games;

“CrossFit is not about the Games. That’s just 1% of Crossfitters. CF is about community and about taking the overweight neighbour, grandpa and a college kid and making them better athletes and boost their self esteem in the process. It’s about pouring your heart out on the floor every workout. Never forget that. It’s not just competitions. It’s a family.”

This quote for me sums up very much what CrossFit embodies. I look forward to being a part of this growing family for the rest of my life. I also look forward to being able to fully participate in all aspects of the sport for a long time to come.

I know our sport is growing and with growth comes change, but I hope in the change that there is still a place for us beginners, that we can still have that opportunity to stand alongside our peers, grab a number and wait nervously for the 3.....2.....1.....GO as we get to live out a small part of our missed dreams.